STG Books

MY KID IS SEVEN AND HAS BEEN MARRIED TWICE

I’m going to just say this: there is no advice, tips, or tricks in this post. It is just strictly humor. Just me, a mom, living the life. This is my story.

My boys were seven and four. I had a best friend whose daughter was three and son nine. We hung out together. We had a lot in common at the time-faith, kids, stay at home moms, Scouts. We soon found out we were also in-laws.

We would go to Jane’s house in the summer. I’m not sure why, it just happened that way. The kids would go upstairs and play and we would stay downstairs and chat. She even let me bring our dog and he made friends with hers. We all got along.

One day my youngest said something to me-you know how that goes. Kids at age four talk a lot but say little. So mostly we just nod and smile. Except this day was not a day to just nod and smile. This is the day I learned I had a daughter-in-law.

“Ummm….what? What did you just say?” I asked my four year old. He responded, “When are we going to visit my wife?” Sigh….am I already losing my mind at age thirty-seven, or is my single digit child already married and I missed the wedding? “Come again son? Please speak clearly and slowly.” Cameron patiently asked his question for the third time, “When…..are….we…..going….to…..visit…. my….wife?”

Hold the phone! I had to gather the details. It turns out one day when Jane and I sent the kids upstairs to play, Cameron and Jane’s daughter decided to get married. My oldest married them-as if that’s supposed to make me feel better. Turns out Jane’s daughter is a bossy little three year old and told Cameron he was going to marry her. So he obliged.

We laughed and laughed and found it quite funny. Until Cameron got married again to another girl at age seven. But I am getting ahead of this crazy story I’m afraid.

My friend Maggie had three kids-a son ten years old, a daughter eight, and another daughter five. My sons were ten and seven. A match made in heaven for Cameron and the eight year old daughter.

You guessed it. We sent the kids upstairs to play and a few months later I found myself in-laws to my good friend yet not sure if I should tell her that her new son-in-law was already married. Fortunately, we discovered my oldest (once again) had married them so we were off the hook.

At this point I sat down with my youngest to have a talk as to why he kept getting married to all these young (Yikes! Way too young!) women. “But Mom, they keep telling me I have to marry them!” Oh my soul! What does a mama say to that?

We had a long, and I do mean long, talk as to the fact that just because a woman tells you what to do, this doesn’t mean you have to do it. My future daughter-in-law I do apologize if I have lessened your effectiveness in imploring my son to take out the trash or get the car washed. I feel that at the time this discussion had to happen. I bear the responsibility if he doesn’t listen to you and we will talk later. Love you!!

I try to find a lesson learned in all my experiences. For this one I guess I shouldn’t have sent my kids upstairs to play for hours on end. Obviously if I’d known my son would turn up married I wouldn’t have done that. Lesson learned!

Please comment and let me know your stories of not winning Mom of the Year.

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